Thursday, April 19, 2012

Feature: Music Videos That… Make Us Want to Puke

Yup, it’s Thursday, which means we’re hungover. It is SO bright in here… and why is everyone yelling??

Well, what better way to combat said hangover than to take a nap under yo’ desk all Costanza style and dream about awesome music videos? Ooooh, but there’s a twist! To go with our throbbing headaches and unstable stomachs, today we’re gonna think about music videos that literally make us want to puke. Mwahahahaha! Yes, this is how our minds work. No, we’re not going to apologize.

Please note: this feature contains images that you cannot unsee.

1) Geek Stink Breath
Green Day

Unless you’re a true masochist, no one likes going to the dentist, especially our Editor-In-Chief, sassypants McGerz. Equally as true is the fact that no one likes a meth head, especially the upstanding members of Green Day! A stern message about the negative effects of drugs and addiction is hidden inside this punk rock gem. Had the PDFA utilized this video’s imagery in their “This is Your Brain on Drugs” campaign, we probably wouldn’t have had so many questions (oohhh, sick burn!).

If there’s anything worse than getting your tooth pulled, it’s most definitely watching someone else get his/her tooth pulled all close-up and bloody-like. I shan’t go into every gory detail here, but suffice it to say that I just watched this again for the first time in several years, and had to keep clicking back and forth from the video itself to the safe haven of my work email’s inbox. And you know that shit ain’t pretty either.

2) Happiness in Slavery 
Nine Inch Nails

The first time I saw this video was on a VHS tape at my friend Alyssa’s house in high school. What? You think there’s a recurring theme here surrounding my use of, and exposure to, VHS tapes as a young gal? I cannot confirm or deny this assertion, but I can tell you that the House of Barlaam maintains a Library of Congress-esque collection of such artifacts and fun. Visitors by appointment, please.

I have a super vivid memory of me and 3 friends (FN contributor James MacFie included!) sitting down to watch this, and feeling literally sick to my stomach in the process. Since its release, this video has been banned from MTV and most other music video outlets, and I actually couldn’t find the complete video on YouTube for this feature. If you haven’t seen it before, it is definitely NSFW. Let’s just say that a dude sits down in a torture device and doesn’t ever get up. It’s kind of like a horror movie meets a snuff film meets every man’s worst nightmare. Enjoy!

3) I’ll Be There for You 
The Rembrandts

As it turns out, not all vom-worthy things have to be violent and gross (who knew?!). There’s plenty of crap out there that makes us want to puke due to its… association with the television show, Friends.

In this cheeky, trying-to-be-adorable video for the show’s theme song, cast members run around, pretending to play instruments and ‘act’ like they’re pulling some kind of prank on the actual band. The joke’s on everyone, though, because this video and the show it spawned from are bound to ruin not only your day, but also your opinions of the human race. Look at Matt LeBlanc as he pretends he can play the bongos! Jennifer Aniston’s hair is all bouncy and shit. And also Lisa Kudrow is there!

I’m sorry if this song is now stuck in your head for the rest of your day/week/life. Welcome to my Hell.

4) Evil

Car Accidents. Serial Killers. Puppets. These are a few of my least favorite things. When combined, they provide the perfect storm of a Geanna nightmare, although here with a kick-ass soundtrack. This video makes me want to barf for lots of reasons, but most especially because of the creepy, singing puppet. Look at his bulging eyes! His lipless mouth! His gangly arms and legs! Puppets are just not right.

Fun Fact: Did you know this song was written about Rosemary West, an English serial killer that I have recently Wikipedia-ed and obsessed over? There is a movie about her and her husband Fred, starring  none other than McNulty from The Wire. I suggest you look into it – it’s really good. I hadn’t before made the connection between serial killing and puppetry, but now that link shall never be severed in my strange little brain. Thanks, Interpol!

5) Big Bad Wolf 
Duck Sauce

While "researching" this feature, I was told to watch this particular video. And so I did, and now my life will never be the same. There is really nothing more to say about it, other than "I'm sorry".

Have you had enough? I know I have. Try to keep that lunch down and let us know about any other delightful videos we have surely forgotten on this list!

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